Looking Good!

So I'm finally getting myself back on track.  I've lost the weight I gained from the stress of this situation.  I'm working through everything I need to.  The writing helps me get my emotions and feelings down without being afraid of judgement.

When I met Mr. Big last night, I had on a dress that fit me perfectly.  He almost lost it in his pants at the sight of me!

He said he barely recognized me and couldn't stop staring and making comments about how fantastic I looked.

And yes, that was the exact reaction I wanted.  It felt good to see him react that way! 

More Sweet Kisses

Yes, we kissed several times.  Well, more than several times...what would you consider five?

In his mind, I think he considers cheating to be a purely sexual act, and doesn't think that having an emotional relationship with someone counts...

And that is still my biggest problem with this entire situation.  I don't want to be someone's mistress.  But I am.  I am Mr. Big's mistress.  Regardless of how ridiculous his marriage is, he is still married and we're having very intimate, personal conversations, every day, and when we spend time together, our hello's, our good-bye's and little moments in between include kisses. 

I'm in so far over my head at this point, I don't know what to do. 

Another Mr. Big Visit

Mr. Big came into town again. 

It's so strange.  Once again, I think we've both realized that the chemistry we share is undeniable. 

We were having dinner and in the middle of our conversation, he interrupted me and said that he was so happy and that he was having such a good time and that for the first time in a long time, he's felt at ease. 

And he was absolutely correct.  It was easy.  Effortless.  We get along so well when all of the bullshit isn't involved.

So how do I handle this now?

I HATE Abbi Y@P

I hate Abbi.  She is such a disgusting person and to think that she has Mr. Big by the balls for the next 18 years enrages me.

I want to destroy her.  I want the world to know what a disgusting waste of space she is.  She is a manipulative, lying cunt. 

I want to hurt her, the same way I've been hurt.   

It's pretty pathetic to know that she has absolutely no clue what her husband is doing behind her back.  But I suppose she deserves it after everything she's done.

Oh how I can't wait for karma to catch up.  Watch out Abbi.  Karma is a bitch.

The Foreseeable Future

A few months ago, Mr. Big said that he was going to stay in his marriage "for the foreseeable future".  At the time I didn't know it, but this reaction was because of his son.  He's also said that he "can't let his son come from a broken home". 

Which says to me that the only reason he is still there is because Abbi got pregnant on purpose and gave him no choice.

Well now that his son is here, and Mr. Big can no longer be the asshole that left his pregnant wife, don't we deserve the opportunity to figure out everything between us? 

Does it make me a horrible, homewrecker if I want to make sense of everything that's here or do I have that right?

I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't...but when do I deserve the chance to be happy?  I stepped back and allowed him to be the "good guy", but he wants to figure this out too...so why is that so wrong?

One Last Okay!

I suppose I should probably wait to get excited about London.  Although I won't lie...I've already been looking at places! 

My boss has to get one last approval and unfortunately, that might be the most difficult approval to get.  Although he seems very positive about it all.

Fingers crossed for me world!

Signs...Do They Exist?

It's truly amazing how life takes over sometimes.  A friend of mine said that maybe London is a sign.  I've been waivering for a long time about buying a place but I've had a difficult time making the commitment. 

Her words were, maybe you haven't purchased a place because life has something else in store for you.  Maybe your hesitations were life telling you that there is something bigger and better waiting for you around the corner.

Could this be my sign?