Image

Image is very important to Mr. Big.

In fact, while I don't know this to be 100% certain, I would bet everything I own that the reason he's still "married" is because he is so desperate to repair his image with his parents, brother and sister and the few friends that he has. 

So is it my right to destroy this image he is working so hard to build to get revenge on someone that I think I still want in my life?

Or do I become the bigger person and let things be? 

After all, what goes around comes around, right?  I'm confident he'll learn the truth about his golddigging c*nt of a wife and will realize what a giant mistake he's continuing to make once she takes him for all he's worth.

Am I devious?

I won't lie...I do go online and snoop, looking for information.  I don't do it often, but every now and then curiousity gets the best of me.

My latest session revealed something quite interesting.

In due time, I will give you some background about who Mr. Big and I are and how we are in this current predicament, but for right now, I'd like to focus on the present and getting myself to a place of peace and calm.

I found some pictures online from Mr. Big's gym in his hometown.  The pictures were taken in September, 2010 and one in particular is of his "wife" on some machine and him standing behind her.  The caption reads "Abbi being supported by her hubby".

Funny thing is, in September, Mr. Big and I were sleeping together.  And according to him, at that time, he was "barely" speaking to her and not really seeing her at all.  My, how a picture is worth 1000 lies. 

And after September, as we were continuing to sleep together, he supposedly had a very long, in depth talk with Abbi, and they decided that it was worth it to give their "marriage" a shot.  This conversation supposedly took place the weekend before he left for Europe for a business trip.  The Monday evening, while he was in Paris, he proceeded to get completely naked and jerk off on a web cam in front of me...two days after this very personal, life changing discussion.

And the day before Thanksgiving, 2010, he came to my home to give me a very expensive birthday gift, walked through my front door and crawled into bed with me.

My, how he loves her.  

The Situation

The situation, as of right now, is pretty bleak.

I can't decide what I want from him, because the very hurt and angry side of me wants revenge and I want to hurt him as much as he hurt me, but then the side of me that cares about him genuninely wants to be here and wants to help him and wants to be a friend to him.

Currently, he's with his "wife".  Mind you this is the girl who pressured him, forced him and manipulated him into marrying her a few months after meeting him when he was at his absolute lowest point in life.  She then proceeded to cheat on him while he was beginning to recover and I'm sure is as big of a liar as he is.  So I say "wife" with caution.  Because no real woman, who is independent and strong and truly cares about another person would do that to someone they love.  My guess is she is looking for a big payday and knows she will eventually get one from him once he gets his act together.

And maybe my real anger and the part of me that wants revenge wants it on her.  She's trash and eventually, I'd like the world to know who she is.  Watch out...Abbi.

I'm in love with a married man...

Yes world, I am someone's mistress...the short, short version is that I met a man that I care about very much many, many years ago and it turns out he has some very serious problems, including drug and alcohol abuse, he's a cheater, a liar, a thief and at this point, an overall scumbag.  He also married a very unattractive young girl when he was at his absolute lowest point because she manipulated him, pressured him and forced him into marrying her.  Mind you, after about 4 months of the two of them knowing each other, while he was carrying on with me.

Our relationship was always rocky, given the obvious above.  When it all finally came out, he told me he was terrified of losing me and was trying to "protect" me from the person he really was.  Whether I truly believe that now is a mystery to me.

So of course, the logical question is, why are you still in his life?  The truth is, I know deep down, there is good in him and I want to help.  However, the further and further I go down this path, I am learning more ugly, deceitful things about him every day.

And what I'm wrestling with now, is whether or not I can stay in his life.  He doesn't have many friends and I'm trying to be one to him.  I'm trying to remove myself from the situation so I can heal, yet, be a friend to him because I know how desperately he needs them.

How can I care about someone who hurt me so dearly, has completely destroyed all of my trust and is still lying to me?

Help me world.  I need to be yanked out of this mess.